Some Personal History and the 2013 Edition of Master Nationals

     I remember thinking to myself, years ago, that I would be lucky to achieve the results in the upcoming season that I had achieved in the previous season. The year was 1996 and I had just capped off an awesome year racing for the "Walmart Elite Team". We had twelve Cat 1 & Cat 2 riders, all of which hailed from Arkansas. We had a $50,000 budget, a team van, bikes, and training programs provided by the cycling guru, Joe Friel. It was as close to a "Pro" team as I would ever get. I had a lot of fun that year but I also put quite a bit of pressure on myself to achieve results. After the season ended, I was asking myself how I was going to possibly take the next step in terms of achieving even better results, given the fact that I had a house, a full time job, not to mention a serious relationship with the women I would end up marrying, I felt the chances of improving were nil. I ultimately decided not to race the next year simply because I would not be able to continue my progression without quitting my job, and then, either trying to go pro, or at least training like a pro.

     I think it was two years later that I hopped in a couple of local crits, thus reigniting my passion for racing. Soon after that, I started a team called the "Used 2 Bees". As we added members that did not necessarily fit that description, we changed the name to Central Arkansas Velo, or CARVE, now arguably the largest cycling club in the state. Back then I raised all of the money for our annual budget of $15,000. I was fortunate to have friends interested in cycling that ran successful businesses, and helped chip in for the sponsorship. We had a great group of guys that traveled and raced together to most of the regional races. Starting in 1999, and then well into the 2000's, I raced mostly Masters races and still placed a great deal of pressure on myself to achieve good results. It was interesting that some years were better than others in terms of results, and that my level of satisfaction seemed to be tied to how well my season went. Ultimately, life would win out and my ability to train would diminish with kid's activities, work responsibilities etc... In 2007 I passed the reins of running CARVE to Pat Barron at the Chainwheel. Pat wisely created a panel of Officers responsible for running the team. My interest in racing again waned until around 2010 when my son, Evan, started riding. Sometime between then and now, I had an epiphany!

     As I started racing and riding more, especially with Evan, I began focusing less on results, and more on the journey. I learned to enjoy my training rides with friends more, to enjoy the travel with friends to various events, to have a greater appreciation for the camaraderie that exist with all the great people with whom I associated while training and racing. As I consciously started focusing on this wonderful journey, and always trying to appreciate every little pleasure during the "process", a funny thing happened, I got stronger than ever! By simply trying to live in the moment, and not be so focused on setting goals for specific races out in the future, the pressure was lifted and the joy of simply riding my bike with friends and family replaced the previous attitude of doggedly pursuing a goal. I don't completely understand why I was able to get stronger after adopting this new philosophy, but I have to believe that it has something to do with eliminating what can be a very stressful way of living life. Without that constant stress and pressure I had always put on myself, the results were better than they had ever been. Why did it take me until I was nearly 50 years old to figure this out? I am sure many of you reading this figured this little secret out a long time ago. I guess it is as simple as the old adage of  "Stop and smell the roses", and other little sayings that encourage us to live in the moment.

     Now, having said all that, it's not always so simple to do. Try as I might, I still fall into old, very natural habits, and will obsess over some particular vision of the future I want to occur. And while I think I did a pretty good job of just enjoying the ride most of the last few racing seasons, I failed miserably when it came to this year's Masters Nationals race. Early in the year it was not even something I planned on doing because it was too late in the year (Sept. 7th), past the time I usually slow down and do other things. I decided in early July to go ahead and do the criterium, and that's exactly when the pressure started. I had been riding so well, that I began to visualize actually wining a National Champions jersey, something I have wanted ever since I started racing. With one near miss in 2006 where I got 2nd place in the Criterium at Nationals, I wanted to win this one! I started training as hard as I ever had before, eating as healthy as I had ever eaten, missing various activities with friends and family just so I could stay on the exact path that I had visualized that I felt would allow me to achieve this "goal" of winning a championship. As the event drew closer, the pressure mounted, and I actually started looking more forward to the event being over, than the event itself! That's messed up! Talking about reverting back to my old ways, I had literally thrown my new found philosophy out the window and was totally obsessed with the achievement of one goal, at the absolute exclusion of enjoying anything about the process of getting there!

     By the time I got to Oregon, I was so anxious and nervous about the race, that I literally was counting the hours until it was over. The day finally came and as soon as we started the race, I had this huge sense of relief. I was able to stay in the front of the 65 man field relatively easily, but I was still amazed at how many strong guys there were driving the pace. As we came through the start/finish with one lap to go I was sitting 3rd wheel feeling really good about my chances. Somewhere on the back side of the course, there was a huge attack up the right side of the single file line. It was the leadout train for the eventual winner, along with several guys that had jumped on the back for the armchair ride to the last corner. All of a sudden I was 12th wheel with three corners to go, further back than I had been the entire race! I had no choice but to get in the wind and start my sprint with about 500 meters to go, I dove the inside of the next two corners and came out of the last corner in 7th place, but was only able to move up to 3rd place by the finish. Had I been anywhere in the leadout that came around me on the back side, I may have been able to compete for the win.

     All that pressure and anxiety, and I still did not achieve the goal. Was it worth it? The answer is absolutely not. Had I treated it like every other race of the year, and gotten 3rd, I probably would have been ecstatic. The sad truth is that I was very disappointed given my aspirations. I wish I would have enjoyed the process more, focused more on all the positive ancillary elements associated with preparing for such a "big" race as Nationals. I guess I'm still learning. I don't think I will ever approach Nationals again with such an "all in" attitude. I would like to think I can adjust my approach to more closely resemble literally every other race of the year. I know that if I ever decide to race Nationals again, it needs to be on those terms. I guess I'm an old dog that's still learning new tricks! Live for the moment and don't obsess over your vision of the future! Those words are appropriate for every area in our live's. Thanks for reading.